“How do I talk with people I don’t agree with?”

“How do I talk with people I don’t agree with?”

It’s not easy, but the answer is love. I say it’s not easy because when we hear the word “love,” we associate it with how we love or know love. In truth, even loving as we know love isn’t easy. How much more difficult in times of disagreement. Let's make it simple: Someone you love and care about makes a statement you disagree with. The anger bubbles in your chest (and sometimes on your keyboard, as you frantically craft the perfect counterstatement), and your next reaction is to cringe or hide. Was there a better option? How do we do it? Is there a formula for responding to others (especially those we “love”) in times of conflict, with love?

… the Lᴏʀᴅ has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6:8)

Not an expected reference, is it? You see, you don’t need to depend upon your love or your idea of your love to respond with love. God says you need to Love mercy, and the mercy of love for God can be had at any time, even in a conflict.
 

Do what is right

Not what’s easy. Not what’s popular. This may vary depending on the situation, but you can always pause, take a breath, and ask the Holy Spirit what your right next move is. Doing what’s right may mean you actually have an honest, empathetic conversation with someone you disagree with—not to change his or her mind, but to hear a different perspective. It may mean postponing the conversation to a later date, or adjourning to a less public place. It means sticking up for your principles, but never at the expense of hurting people.

Doing what is right may mean seeking justice, responding to God’s call to

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy. (Proverbs 31:8-9)

This is never easy, but if it is right, God will direct your heart. You can show and know love even in this case, because it is given from God.


Love mercy

To love mercy is to love the God of mercy. Jesus calls those who love mercy blessed (that’s Bless-id). These are those who try to live beyond personal affront and seek the will of God in every moment. In action, this is extending grace to someone else, even if you don’t think they deserve it. It’s giving someone the benefit of the doubt, assuming that they didn’t mean to be hurtful with their comments or opinions, and recognizing their humanity even in the midst of disagreement. It’s showing real empathy and compassion and overlooking any offenses for the sake of restoration in your relationship.


Walk humbly

Humility may not always fix your problems, but it makes sure you’re not the problem. When we assume we don’t have all the answers, we have a much better chance of learning something new and keeping our relationships. Jesus often used questions during His ministry, because being curious invites conversation, whereas bringing all of the answers tends to shut it down. We are curious creatures. God made us this way; allowing someone else to express his or herself is honoring that trait in the self.

Walking humbly with God is an exercise in perspective. I am certainly not God’s equal, and all my great ideas are as a child’s hopeful aspirations to God. Knowing this and accepting that this is okay brings the humble acknowledgement that I must honor others who are created even as I am. As St. Paul tells us, “… while knowledge makes us feel important, it is love that strengthens the church."


We are going to disagree, that’s okay.  It is also okay to advocate for your perspective, and as long as your perspective is based on and in line with God’s, then sharing our knowledge and conversing with love isn’t just possible, it is guaranteed.

Let us pray.

Gracious God, when divisive conversations come up, give me Your attitude. Help me to love like You in every situation. Help me seek justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with You. Show me how to express my love more than my opinion, and give me the right words to love people and recognize their right to exist in every conversation today. In Jesus’ name, amen.

I agree.

Fr. Bill+